Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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