So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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