im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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