Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
