haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
