I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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