Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
