You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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