I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
