Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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