my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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