Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
