he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
