I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
