I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
