That's when you crack a 10am beer
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
