I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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