she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found the puke drawer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
