Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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