Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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