I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
