He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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