theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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