do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
