five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
