so that wasnt chicken after all
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
