Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
