Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
