Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
