She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
