I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
