You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
