we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
