Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
