adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
