but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
where are my eyebrows?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
