I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
