My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
