So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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