I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just google imaged poop.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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