My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
