Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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