I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
