I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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