I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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