i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
