So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
