So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
