great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
