Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
