I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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