I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
