can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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